Giving and Receiving

My favorite holidays are Valentine's Day, Christmas, and a great friend's birthday. My least favorite holiday, my own birthday. This mainly has to do with my personality and the willingness to give and be extravagant yet deeply thoughtful for others but unable to take the spotlight on my own special day. Hopefully this entry can give my readers an insight of why I do the things I do and have these beliefs.

Giving and receiving go hand in hand. It's a rule that most people follow and with the people I know, they love to receive more than they give. Who wouldn't right? If they do go hand in hand, which one is better? We always hear that it's better to give than receive. Giving does give good fortune and brings a heightened sense of satisfaction but we need to come to the realization that receiving is a very important part of giving. With no receiving, there is no giving. Not true? Take a look at other things that we can consider: Is it better to exhale than to inhale? Or be awake or be asleep? Or better to talk or listen? Which is more favorable or commendable? Think about that for a moment before reading on. So, how can one be "better" than the other? How can one exist without the other? How can we exhale if we don't inhale, and vice versa? My point exactly, or is it?

I don't get much nowadays when it comes to receiving gifts. People say one of a few things: I'm too hard to shop for. I have everything already. I buy what I want for myself before anyone has the chance. While most of that holds true, I had to wonder what it was about my personality that made it that difficult for others. I give and I give. I think outside the box. I love to give because as a child, I was given a lot by my wonderful family. I'm not talking about just material things, but also core values and beliefs that help make me a better person. I worked hard through school and playing by the rules to turn into the person I've become. I take these values and make them my own. If you're someone of importance to me, I put the responsibility on myself to turn your rainy days into sunny days. Give birthdays and Christmas' that they've never seen before just to show that we all need a break in life once in awhile. This doesn't mean bags full of gifts. This just means that I'll think outside the box and try to do something that the average person hasn't thought of. If someone likes handmade gifts, I'll make a card or paint pottery and use art to express my appreciation. I know sometimes I go overboard, but it's part of my character. Once I have ideas, I feel like they're too good to pass up so I do them all. It's something I do regret because these special occasions are supposed to be a pleasure and going overboard tends to take the special away from it. It's not the dollar spent, it's just the thought that's involved.

Back to my point, I have a fear that people might not make the effort in tapping into the things I truly want. I rush to buy my own things not only because of my independence, but I fear that if I don't get it, no one will. Sad huh? I'm sure there's some things that are false about it but it is a fear nonetheless. My ex did great things for me in our time together and I remember always appreciating the things she did even though she felt like they weren't anything big to be so appreciative for. She even came to the conclusion that these nice gestures don't happen enough for me which is why I don't accept it as if it were an every day thing. Ever since then, I really started to believe that and it also runs parallel with my fears and why I like to remain out the spotlight.

My next question is, if I don't receive, why do I continue to give? Earlier I stated that they both go hand in hand and that there would be no giving if there weren't receiving. I honestly like to see people happy. It really does give me a higher level of satisfaction and knowing that I can I can make someone's holiday a bit more special. As long as that feeling for me is fulfilled, I won't stop giving. Another reason I just realized is that maybe I give in bulk to have more than enough fulfillment that I won't have to think about my end of receiving. Just something else to ponder...